Answers to your questions Part 1

As I said in the last post, I've gotten more attention from this than I expected. While encouraging, I will admit, it's a bit daunting as well.

The main question was put in the last post. That was talking about what I learned during my time of reflection.

After that, I made a list of the 10 most asked questions, and I will try and answer them in two posts: five here, five in the next.

I'm paraphrasing the questions, but hopefully, it will make sense to those who asked.

Remember, though, these are just my thoughts. I'm not a counselor, therapist, doctor, pastor, or priest.

So here we go.

How can I forgive someone that hurt me when all I feel is hate for them?

Forgiveness is challenging. Most people think that it's a way to let the other person free from an action they performed. But forgiveness is as much, if not more, for us. It's the first step to healing.

Hate, anger, and pain are animals that count on you letting them in. Once you do, they set up residence inside of you and get comfortable. While they're comfortable, they're tearing you apart.

Think about those times where you were happy. Where you escaped from the grip that things like hatred cause. You escaped the thoughts of those things and felt good. Emotionally, physically, it all felt better. Yet, if you're anything like I was, you returned to the negative and negatively impacted your emotional and physical health.

Forgiveness is the first step toward understanding and accepting that the things done to you weren't your fault. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

You also have to come to the realization that you're worthy of happiness and joy. It's what you should have. I'm not saying that there aren't hard times, there are, but the pleasure outweighs the hardship and makes it able to be moved past.

Just because I forgave the people that hurt me in the past doesn't mean that I like them. It means that they don't have power over me any longer.

So, when I'm asked how you can forgive someone when you feel hate towards them. The short answer is that it's so you can find peace, happiness, joy, and contentment. Then you move forward and begin to realize how much more beautiful life can be. I believe that's what God wants for all of us.

How do you move past losing someone you love like you did?

The simple truth is that you don't. When someone passes on, it isn't like a divorce or break up. I can attest to this, having experienced all three.

What I learned is that I will always love my fiancée and son. And that is normal.

I also know that they wouldn't want me to be sad for the rest of my life.

So the years I spent depressed and hurting myself were doing an injustice to them.

Love doesn't have limits, not even in death. And in my successes, I feel them celebrating with me. When I'm in a bad place, I feel them trying to lift me up. It's their love that does all this.

Just like God's love, I can't see it, but I feel it every day. It's no different with losing someone.

If you lose or have lost someone, take the time to mourn. Just don't stay there.

Live your life to the fullest you can and know that they're there with you.

You'll have times when you're reminded of them to the point that it feels like a physical punch. That's okay. Take a moment, remember what the love is for you and move through it.

Otherwise, you get stuck in a cycle where you're chasing shadows. Take it from me that a shadow is impossible to catch.

You've talked about the noise in your head. What is it?

This is one of the few questions that surprised me. It shouldn't have, but it did.

For as long as I can remember, there's always been something inside me that kept filling me with all the negative things people have told me, things I told myself, and things I know that Satan wants me to believe.

When I started seeing a therapist, I was sure she'd say I was nuts and lock me up. Thankfully, she didn't. She'd had me do some tests before our first session. She explained to me around our seventh session that I had depression and PTSD. Still, along with that, I had a hyperactive brain with a high level of intelligence. She also said that according to my personality tests, I was high on the empathic scale.

I asked her what that meant. So much for high levels of intelligence. 😊

The noise is a mixture of all of that.

Depression and PTSD open a doorway for things in the past to come in and speak to me. The empathic side is being open to understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It's not some magic trick. I consider it a gift God gave some of us.

Combine my past, mix that with what others think and feel, and it equals noise in my head.

That's why if you know me, I'm never without headphones. Music helps to quiet the noise.

Do I really have to find the people I've hurt and ask them to forgive me?

This is what I did. I'm not here to tell anyone what they have to do.

I'm big on ownership. This was a part of owning the things I'd done in my life.

I can tell you that you could put aside the fact that everyone was gracious and forgave me, but what also happened was that it helped the other person.

We don't usually think about the fact that when we hurt others, part of them wonders if they did something. The act of asking them for forgiveness not only allowed healing for me but also for them.

I thank God he gave me the courage to do it and believe it is well worthwhile.

You talk about music a lot. Who's your favorite artist and/or song?

That's a loaded question. I listen to a lot of music, and it would be impossible for me to list all the artists I love. I'm the guy that has several sets of texts where I send out music. One is a daily group text. Others are catered more towards the people. I'm also obsessive about trying not to send the same song twice, though It does happen.

Imagine how much music I have to listen to in order to send out 365 songs a year and try not to repeat them.

So, while I can't list all the artists I love, I can list some of the ones I always go back to and some of the ones I'm digging currently. This can be updated constantly if it's desired.

Ones I always go back to:

NF: The Clouds Mixtape is currently on repeat.

Jacob Lee: I don't think I've ever heard a bad song from him, and his talent is amazing.

Blue October: From Hate Me to Moving On, Justin just knows how to get into your heart.

Seafret: A band that deserves to be so much bigger than they are.

Skinny Living: Another band that should be a lot bigger than they are.

Foo Fighters: They just make good rock music.

Pink: A brilliant artist and lyricist who doesn't get enough credit for what she's done for music.

Gary Allan: A country artist with a rock edge that speaks the truth.

Brantley Gilbert: Another country artist with a rock edge that speaks truth.

Snow Patrol: A girl I was dating once asked for my top 3 desert island bands. These guys were on it, and she said I was crazy. The relationship didn't last.

Ones I'm currently into:

The Broken View: I stumbled across these guys about a month ago. They don't have a lot out yet, but they should go far. They're seriously talented, and as much as they're on repeat now, they'll be a go to I'm sure.

Forest Blakk: Just a talented guy that makes excellent music.

Dermot Kennedy: I'm only putting him here on the off chance someone hasn't heard him. He will be on the "go back to" list. The lyricism is brilliant, and the boy can flat-out sing.

Anson Seabra: This guy guts me.

SYML: Listen to his cover of Mr. Sandman, then venture further. You won't be disappointed.

Jacob Banks: Unknown (To You) hits me hard.

Sody: She's young but highly talented. Looking forward to watching her grow.

Boy In Space: I admit the name made me avoid it, which makes me sad now cause it's great.

Jack Vallier: I can't get enough of Copenhagen.

Gracie Abrams: She just pulls me in.