Darkness

I haven't written here for a while.

I started this thing with the intention of trying to help others. I have this falsity that lives in me that tells me when I'm in a bad place, I shouldn't burden others because that isn't helping them. I'm supposed to be the strong one.

One of the other things I wanted this to be was honest. That's why I'm sharing this.

I'm not in a good place, and that's okay. As hard as it may get, I know I'm not alone.

When you get to that place, remember you aren't alone either.

The point of this entry is to show that no matter how far you go in life, how many things you may have accomplished, everyone has times where they are just beat down.

Don't do like I have the tendency to do, to try and face it alone. Nobody has to.

This is a poem I wrote this morning as I sat in my bedroom, leaning against a wall all night, listening to music and trying to deal with the noise in my head.

As the sun rose, I came to remember what I've said to myself and others many times. Nobody is good all the time. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Just don't get stuck there.

I'm still fighting through it, but things like this will help me win that fight.

Thank you for allowing me that outlet.

Darkness

Sitting in the dark, feeling like my heart got torn open. Knowing I should reach out, I don’t have to be here alone.

Each time my hand tries to move, I find it frozen. Like the scream balanced on the edge of my tongue, and the tears that can’t find a way to fall.

I know You’re here, but I can’t lie, right now I don’t feel it. What once gave me peace, I let them steal.

Why can’t You come and help me? Is all the strength I portrayed, finally trying to do me in?

Sitting in this darkened room, screaming silently. My body shaking, pain inside me draining, all the things that let me live.

Can’t You tell I’m hurting? Why does pain have to be so damn lonely? All I need is someone to help me stand.

Then the light from the morning cast through the window. Threw the darkness away, to the shadow that follows.

It was then I realized, it wasn’t Your place to raise me. You shared that darkness with me, fought with me until I could find hope in me again.